When I ask couples in therapy what they would most like to change in their marriage, I often hear similar answers:

• “I want to feel more emotionally connected.”
• “I’d like more affection.”

One practice that can support both of these needs is the creation of rituals of connection.

As described by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, rituals of connection are intentional, meaningful habits that help couples strengthen their bond. They create regular opportunities to pause, turn toward one another, and remind yourselves that your relationship matters.

These rituals don’t need to be elaborate or expensive. In fact, the simplest practices can become the most meaningful when they are consistent and genuinely shared.

Morning departures

The way you say goodbye can shape the tone of the day. Before leaving, try sharing a kiss, offering a warm embrace, or telling each other one thing you’re looking forward to.

You might also ask:

• “What does your day look like today?”
• “Is there anything you need support with?”
• “What time do you expect to be home?”

These small moments help you stay connected, even when your days take you in different directions.

End-of-day reunions

Reuniting at the end of the day is another valuable opportunity to reconnect. Rather than immediately moving into chores, screens, or household logistics, create a brief moment of warmth first.

You could greet one another with a long hug, a kiss, or a few minutes of undivided attention.

Some couples also benefit from a 20-minute stress-reducing conversation. One partner can share what has been happening in their day while the other listens with empathy—without immediately offering advice, solutions, or criticism. Then you can switch roles.

The goal isn’t to fix the problem. It’s to help each other feel heard and supported.

Shared mealtimes

Meals can become meaningful rituals when you protect them from distractions. Sharing coffee in the morning or eating dinner together without digital screens gives you space to talk, laugh, and catch up.

You might make it a habit to ask questions such as:

• “What was the best part of your day?”
• “What felt difficult today?”
• “What are you thinking about lately?”
• “Is there anything you’re looking forward to this week?”

Even one screen-free meal a day can create a regular point of connection.

Weekly traditions

Weekly rituals give couples something consistent to look forward to. This might be a regular date night, a walk around the neighborhood, a Sunday morning coffee, or an evening spent cooking together.

If you have a date night, consider taking turns planning it so the responsibility doesn’t consistently fall on one person. The activity doesn’t need to be elaborate. The purpose is to protect time for enjoyment, curiosity, and companionship.

Getaways

Several times a year, plan a getaway that allows you to focus on enjoying life together. This could be a camping trip, a hotel stay, or a day trip.

A getaway doesn’t have to be expensive or far away. What matters is creating space to step out of your usual routines and reconnect as partners.

Annual traditions

Annual rituals can help couples reflect on their relationship and intentionally plan for the future. Once a year, you might ask each other:

• What have we appreciated about one another this year?
• What challenges have we worked through?
• What has helped us feel close?
• What would we like to do differently next year?
• What are we looking forward to creating together?

You can also use this time to discuss holidays and family traditions. Rather than allowing Christmas or other celebrations to unfold according to habit or outside expectations, talk together about how you want them to feel and what you want to prioritise.

Start small and make it meaningful

Rituals of connection work best when they are realistic, mutual, and meaningful to both partners. You don’t need to introduce every ritual at once. Choose one small practice you could try this week and discuss how it feels for both of you.

You might begin with a daily goodbye kiss, a screen-free cup of coffee, or a warm greeting when you reunite at the end of the day.

Over time, these repeated moments can become emotional anchors in your relationship. They remind you to turn toward one another—not only during conflict or difficult seasons, but throughout ordinary everyday life.

Consider sending this post to your partner as a starting point for a conversation about the rituals of connection you’d like to create together.