Feeling frustrated with your partner?

Frustration can be a sign of boundary blurring – confusing what we can and can’t control.

We can’t control our partner’s feelings. We can empathise with their feelings and communicate our own feelings clearly.

We can’t control our partner’s boundaries. We can communicate how our partner’s lack of boundaries impacts us.

We can’t control our partner’s perspectives. We can control our own perspectives, and choose to get clarity rather than make assumptions.

We can’t control our partner’s needs. We can be responsible for our own needs being met.

We can’t control our partner’s actions. We can control our own boundaries/standards for the kind of behaviour we choose to accept.

We can’t control our partner’s beliefs/values. We can choose to respect their different beliefs/values and be authentic and true to our own beliefs and values.

We can’t save our partners from feeling pain. We can support them in ways that feel life-giving for us and don’t lead to our own self-abandonment.

With which of these boundaries do you struggle most?

For me, it’s the last one. Growing up a chronic people pleaser, I needed everyone to like me to feel safe AND I needed to save others from feeling the same pain I felt. But I would abandon myself and disregard my own needs in the process. I even prided myself on my ability to do that. I couldn’t feel more differently now. I ended up realising my relationships were inauthentic because I was inauthentic in them, by failing to express my needs and preferences.

If you suspect there’s boundary-blurring happening in your relationship, counselling can help you learn where you end and your partner begins.

Book an individual or couples session with me today.

Rebecca