Relationship psychologists and researchers John and Julia Gottman have identified 3 main areas of a relationship –

1. Friendship
2. Conflict
3. Shared meaning

Let’s break these down.

Friendship

• Intimacy and connection
• Trust and mutual respect
• Fondness and admiration
• Affection and gratitude
• Support
• Play

Conflict

• How to self-soothe
• Active listening skills
• Express feelings and needs, avoid blame
• Curiosity rather than assumptions
• Making clear requests

Shared Meaning

• Having shared values
• Having a shared dream for the future
• Understanding each other’s life mission/what gives you purpose

Which of these areas do you feel strongest in?

Which of these areas would you like to work on?

Couples counselling can help identify where the gaps are in your relationship, and provide a space for you to intentionally work on them.